When bands go ‘bye, bye, bye’ | TheUnion.com

When bands go ‘bye, bye, bye’

There’s nothing quite like the Grammy Awards to make me realize how antiquated I’ve become – who are all these musicians, and how come I’ve never heard of them if they’re so good?

But I am also a father of a pre-teen, and this means that I get to listen to a lot of popular music. I could actually discuss with some expertise whether Britney Spears is better than Pink, and whether ‘N Sync’s most recent CD lives up to the promise of their first release. I don’t do this, of course, because there’s nothing sillier than a 50-year-old guy trying to be cool, but I could if I wanted to.

What I do know from the wisdom of my years, however, is the natural course that all these groups will follow.

Each of them will release another CD or two to declining sales figures. Something new will come along, and the Backstreet Boys will fall into the same dustbin of history that contains the Bay City Rollers.

People magazine will do a “Whatever happened to …” edition in 2012, and readers will be shocked to learn that Britney Spears is selling cars at a dealership on Wilshire Boulevard.

Aaron Carter songs will be played on an oldies radio stations that moms listen to as they take their kids to school, and the kids will beg their moms not to sing out loud.

There will be ‘N Sync tribute bands working the showrooms of Reno. One of those imitation bands will play the Nevada County Fair in 2032, and all 40-year-olds will pack the arena to sing along with the favorites songs of their youth.

‘N Sync will reunite for a tour – sans one of its members who was disliked by everyone else in the group even at their height of popularity. Lawsuits will fly over the use of the group’s name. Concert-goers who fail to read the fine print will be be ripped off.

Britney Spears will be found at age 63, chain-smoking and tending bar in San Pedro. The jukebox will be playing a song from the next big thing.

John Seelmeyer is editor of The Union; his column appears on Saturday.

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