What’s so good about reading?
I need to stop reading things. My life certainly isn’t any the better for things I’ve read lately, and I’d probably be better off watching Monster Truck races on cable.
Desperate to regain some creativity in my life – although “regain” in this sentence may be a stretch – I read a self-help article.
A tip from the author: Shake up your daily routine to see things with a fresh eye. Start by parking in a different spot in the lot each day.
That’s the kind of self-help I like – big results, minimal cost. In fact, I could nab one of the parking spaces closer to the door and say that my arrogance actually was the result of a desire to become a better person.
So I parked somewhere different upon my arrival every morning and upon my return from lunch every day.
The results? No noticeable increase in creativity, but a substantial increase in time wasted while I wander around the parking lot trying to remember where I left my car.
Reading, as I said, is a bad idea.
Idling away a Sunday afternoon, I decided to read the small print on the back of a bottle of weed killer. (Note: This being Organic Nevada County, I do not plan to use chemical weed killer. My neighbors will sign notarized statements that I have used no weed-control tactics of any kind for a number of years.)
I enjoy reading lists of weed names. I take some comfort in knowing that the things growing inappropriately in my garden have names. It makes them less weedy.
But one of the weeds listed on the bottle was “false dandelion.”
I wondered if false dandelion carries a fake ID. Are dandelions subject to identity theft? How do I tell the difference between false dandelion and real dandelion? Ask it questions about the New York Yankees starting lineup and see if answers correctly?
By the time I was done musing over this, the afternoon was shot and the lawn was unmowed.
Like I say, reading is a bad idea.
John Seelmeyer is editor of The Union, and his column appears on Saturday.
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