Ready, set, burn! | TheUnion.com
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Ready, set, burn!

Have you noticed the return of the annual fire rituals? The “(un)Safe and (in)Sane” fireworks stands? Still-burning, smoking cigarette butts on the roads? Had I not doused the butt in my neighborhood road recently, wind from a passing vehicle could have rolled it into dry roadside grass for a BBQ involving the whole neighborhood.

Yes, its time to add the big liquid fire extinguisher to the white powder one my truck normally carries. Bertha, my big bad babe, can deliver wet joy 30-plus feet away, and I have just filled her with red paint. When I catch vehicles out of which just flew smoking butts, indelible lessons will be administered.

If you see someone whose butt (no, not the smoking one) is dripping red, don’t think I missed. Rather, know I was targeting their brain. So join the patriotic paint brigade! Load your extinguishers with blue paint, or white. Even if you don’t teach butt flippers lessons they cannot wash off, you can add patriotic color to the July Fourth neighborhood fireworks show that local governments enable by permitting fireworks to be sold to local fire-cretins!



Celebrate America’s annual fire fascination by marking hot spots with red, white and blue!

Nick Jedenoff




Cedar Ridge


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