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Readers’ corner

New conversion table

• Ratio of an igloo’s circumference to its diameter = Eskimo Pi.

• 2,000 pounds of Chinese soup = Won ton.



• 1 millionth of a mouthwash = 1 microscope.

• Time between slipping on a peel and smacking the pavement = 1 bananosecond.




• Weight an evangelist carries with God = 1 billigram.

• Time it takes to sail 220 yards at 1 nautical mile per hour = Knotfurlong.

• 16.5 feet in the Twilight Zone = 1 Rod Serling.

• Half of a large intestine = 1 semicolon.

• 1,000,000 aches = 1 megahertz.

• Basic unit of laryngitis = 1 hoarsepower.

• Shortest distance between two jokes = A straight line.

• 453.6 graham crackers = 1 pound cake.

• 1 million-million microphones = 1 megaphone.

• 1 million bicycles = 2 megacycles.

• 365.25 days = 1 unicycle.

• 2,000 mockingbirds = 2 kilomockingbirds.

• 17. 52 cards = 1 decacards.

• 1 kilogram of falling figs = 1 Fig Newton.

• 1,000 milliliters of wet socks = 1 literhosen.

• 1 millionth of a fish = 1 microfiche.

• 1 trillion pins = 1 terrapin.

• 10 rations = 1 decoration.

• 100 rations = 1 C-ration

• 2 monograms = 1 diagram.

• 4 nickels = 2 paradigms.

• 2.4 statute miles of intravenous surgical tubing at Cornell University Hospital = 1 IV League.

• 100 Senators = Not 1 decision.

Investing in your retirement

If you had purchased $1,000 of Nortel stock one year ago, it would now be worth $49.

With Enron, you would have had $16.50 left of the original $1,000.00.

With WorldCom, you would have had less than $5 left.

But, if you had purchased $1,000 worth of beer one year ago, drank all the beer, then turned in the cans for the aluminum recycling REFUND, you would have had $214.

Based on the above, current investment advice is to drink heavily and recycle.

It’s called the 401-Keg Plan.

ooo

Dixie Redfearn can be reached at 477-4238 or by e-mail at dixier@theunion.com, or by fax at 477-4292.


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