Move aside Telly Savalas, Yul Brenner
When my son Steven and I got our heads shaved for charity on St. Patrick’s Day at Grass Valley’s Fire Station No. 2, the women shearing us said something almost in unison.
“You guys have nice heads,” they said in those cooing voices women use to suggest things could get amorous. But we were at the St. Baldrick’s charity event, which raised more than $12,000 to battle children’s cancer, not a nightclub. (Steve and I raised $250, and thank you to our supporters.)
So I quickly thought the compliments were nothing more than putting us at ease for the impending laughs and degradation.
Then I realized these women look at heads all day for a living, and probably knew what they were talking about. I swiftly filed it in that vast black hole in my brain that does not understand women in general or why their weddings have to be perfect.
A little later we were driving home when my wife completely shocked me with a comment about how “sexy” I looked with my shaved head and Van Dyke beard.
OK, through the years I’ve heard “cute” a few times from girlfriends and “handsome” from my wife or my mother if I had a suit or tuxedo on, but never, ever “sexy.”
Hey, c’mon I thought, you’re talking about the original wing man here, the guy whose college roommate had four girlfriends to my zero and absolutely no dates unless one of his cast-offs said, “Oh, well, OK,” every once in awhile.
So you can imagine my absolute surprise and glee when I came back to work and by Tuesday was told by various female co-workers that I had visually enhanced myself.
“I like your new look,” said one e-mail.
“I like it Dave, it’s sexy,” another said in the coffee room.
There was that word again. I was also hearing things like “dangerous” and “tough” to describe my new Genghis Khan appearance.
And then it hit me that maybe these comments had something to do with the whole bad-boy thing that attracts women to guys on the edge. My cheerleader-homecoming-queen sister tried to explain it to me one time, but because she married one and turned him into an executive-family man, but I really didn’t get it.
But I’m beginning to have an inkling of what Telly Savalas and Yul Brenner had going all those years before they died. I was also told by a female source I trust that men take baldness too seriously and should understand that some gals just really dig it.
So guys, here’s my advice. Forget styling your hair like Clint Eastwood’s waves and ignore Tom Cruise’s noggin.
If you really want to attract women, do what I should have done 35 years ago. Grow a Van Dyke, shave your head and walk around with a goofy grin. You’ll be shocked by the response.
To contact Senior Staff Writer Dave Moller, e-mail davem@the union.com or call 477-4237.
To see people getting their heads shaved and a full video report on the St. Baldrick’s fundraiser for children’s cancer, log onto theunion.com and go the Media Center page.
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