Dave Moller: Endorsement headlines we’d love to read
I’ve been covering political campaigns for three decades, and one of the strangest things about them is endorsements.
I’ve written political endorsements for daily and weekly newspapers, but I can’t really tell you whether they help a candidate or are the kiss of death. I suspect both, depending on the readers, timing and who is endorsing whom.
So I don’t think I will ever understand why a politician thinks an endorsement from a game warden three ridges over will make a difference. Personally, I’ve never stepped into the voting booth with endorsements in mind.
I understand adding senators, congressmen, state legislators and unions to the endorsement list, but that can create problems, as well. For instance, I don’t see anyone clamoring for John Doolittle’s endorsement this political season, and I think you know why.
So when I see headlines for endorsements, I must admit to a large ho-hum. Instead, I’d love to see some endorsement headlines like these, with apologies for the alliteration:
“Three-legged dog tosses support to Thompson”
“Petrified log rolls over for Smith”
“Dead skunk smells defeat, switches allegiance to Rocket J. Squirrel”
“Baseball star injects Thomas into main campaign vein”
“Frenzied Fido freaks, touts tiny tabby for dog catcher”
“Wife says hubby can lead city to certain oblivion”
“Oblivion throws weight behind Catastrophe”
“Third cousin endorses Starlight for county tree hugger”
“Gramps gets giddy over gubernatorial groundswell”
“Ewing eschews Euclid, endorses everybody else in end run”
“Wailing whippersnapper weans Wayne endorsement”
“Fast Eddie rejects endorsement from former hooker gal pal”
“Diaper-clad voters drool endorsement for mommy”
“Next-door neighbor never endorsed Nixon for nothin'”
“Negative nabob nails down Nash nod for night crawler regulator”
“Candidate takes out trash for wife’s endorsement”
“Second illegitimate child backs Balderdash for city council”
“Punk politico pleases puny pundits, earns endorsement”
“Tootsie turns up in Trump’s endorsement black book”
“Family ne’er-do-well endorses dad’s opposition”
“Bitter also-ran slings support to wayward winds”
“Tweakers hallucinate Too-Too for office, seek brains”
“Doe-eyed twins demand candy to endorse big brother”
“Teens tout tyrant teacher to get the heck out”
“Drunken attorney endorses Johnny Walker”
“Sluggo sinks teeth into support for Sidewinder”
“Narcissist endorses himself”
“Lout lies loudly for voters’ sanction”
“Italians gesture wildly for Linguine”
“Rednecks rush to endorse beer-swilling buffoon”
“Hippies panhandle endorsements from yuppies”
“Yuppies endorse Money! Money! Money!”
“Con man pilfers jailhouse backers”
“Geek gushes over endorsement from Hip”
“Weak wonk wonders: Why no backers?”
“Youngman yammers: Take my candidate, please!”
To contact Senior Staff Writer Dave Moller, e-mail email@example.com or call 477-4237.
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