Don Rogers: Never mind COVID, how about Hunter?
The Trump campaign has cooked up some saucy October déjà vu.
The recipe’s certainly in place: Just sub out Wikileaks for Rudy Giuliani, Hillary for Hunter, a fresh batch from the home server for an allegedly discarded laptop, and keep the Russian angle by all means. Maybe the FBI will even play ball again.
Brilliant! Seemed to work well enough before. Besides, it’ll settle a score or two for supporters still sore about the Steele dossier’s more salacious and unproven claims the news media went mad over back when. Conservative pundits are still tut-tut, what-abouting over that sorry piece o’ … well, never mind.
While we’re never minding, let’s never mind the pandemic, the wildfires, the crippled economy, the civil unrest, China, good God the border.
This Hunter Biden thing! It’s, like, the biggest story ever! Why isn’t the lamestream media throwing everything they’ve got at this? Where’s The Union, the Sierra Sun?
OK, fine, I might as well confess now: Yes, we all took a meeting to get our instructions, on Zoom on account of the pandemic. Joe is supposed to win, got it? I dunno. That’s what they said.
Remember we’re The Media. A monolith can’t very well act as one if all the cats are going their own ways, right? What can one little cog in the whole vast conspiracy do?
Glad that’s finally off my chest, out of the bag. Secret-keeping just goes against the professional grain, ya know?
So, Joe Biden’s crack-pot son, Hunter, he drops off a laptop with all this sensitive stuff in it at a computer repair shop that just happens to be owned by an ardent Trump follower; nay, a patriot.
Well, the owner thinks it must have been Hunter, but he’s visually impaired and can’t really tell. Anyway this laptop has a Beau Biden Foundation sticker on it, which pretty much proves it’s Hunter’s. Are you following me here?
The FBI was coming, but the patriot, like, decides in the meantime he should copy the hard drive — who can trust the FBI, really? — and somewhere in there Steve Bannon gets it and gives it to Rudy Giuliani, or vice versa. Or something.
Anyway, Rudy’s been running around Ukraine for the past couple of years trying to get at the truth, you know, with Russian operatives kindly helping him out. To think it was right there in Delaware! Who’d a thunk? Delaware. Sheesh. What incredible luck. A miracle.
The new director of national intelligence, used to be a congressman, good Trump man, very loyal, John Ratcliffe’s his name. Well, he says of course the Russians have nothing to do with it, obviously. Dream on, Dems.
All those other intelligence officials and former intelligence officials cautioning it has all the fingerprints, hey, what do they know? Pack o’ liars. That’s why we gotta get rid of the civil service and replace ’em all with the right people who truly feel Trump. Know what I’m sayin’? Merit’s got nothing to do with it.
What? You have to ask what Hunter was doing? Really? The crimes, man, the crimes. Try to keep up. He was offering to introduce business people to his dad, the — wink wink — “big guy.” Has to be. There’s millions of dollars in it for Hunter and maybe his dad, too. Apparently. No one seems able to prove this, yet.
But if he did, if he did! Why, that would be like … a regular day at the office for the Trumps.
Sure, The New York Post isn’t sharing the goods it says it has off the laptop, and their own staff doubts the credibility of the story, so much so the lead reporter refused to put his name on it, according to cowardly anonymous staffers who have to be lying, mind you. Jealous probably. Inside baseball anyway.
No one else can check it out. Only the FBI and CIA. But come on, the FBI is looking into it! So why the silence of those lambs in the lamestream media?
Fox News and The Wall Street Journal frankly could do a lot better job of getting out stories about the story, to tell the truth. Finding nuthin’ corroborating? Pfff! Their reports are awfully thin and getting far between. Maybe they were on that Zoom call, too.
At least the conservative commentators always there to pile wood on any possible bonfire are hard at it, chopping away. Tara Reade fizzled out, but maybe Tony Bobulinski will finally get this thing ripping. They both went on TV and everything. Who does that if it’s not the God’s honest? Really, now.
Gotta chuckle, though. The mainstream folks sure missed an opportunity with the Steele affair. Only Mother Jones magazine, a kind of New York Post of the left, even did a story on all that before the 2016 election. The rest were too lame to pick up on the dossier until after the election.
Kind of like now, come to think of it.
Don Rogers is the publisher of The Union, Lake Wildwood Independent, and Sierra Sun. He can be reached at email@example.com or 530-477-4299.
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