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Bombs, not bats

Like all decent, white, heterosexual, God-fearing, patriotic, Christian conservatives, I worship the ground that our beloved Rush Limbaugh waddles on. We especially love his now-famous instructions to “kill all the liberals.”

That’s why we’re so disappointed that our darling uber-queen (and frequent contributor to The Union) Ann Coulter recently said that the best way to talk to liberals “is to hit them in the head with a baseball bat.”

Ann, Ann, Ann, you know that we adore you (especially your insistence that the way to deal with our adversaries is to “invade their countries, kill their leaders and convert them to Christianity.” Has anybody ever summed up the conservative philosophy so eloquently?) But, Ann, you must know that hitting a liberal in the head with a baseball bat – while ensuring a cracked skull and excruciating pain – is not guaranteed to kill them.



That’s why us decent, white, heterosexual, God-fearing, patriotic, Christian conservatives greatly prefer the example of Fresno City Councilman Jerry Duncan, who recently yearned for a “dirty bomb” to “kill every liberal in Fresno.” Now that’s the kind of straight talk that us decent, white, heterosexual, God-fearing, patriotic, Christian conservatives admire! God bless you, Jerry!

Ross Woodbury




Grass Valley


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