Happy voter, note the sarcasm | TheUnion.com

Happy voter, note the sarcasm

I am so excited to be alive at this juncture in history to see all the glorious things that our politicians have in store for us. In fact, I am such a happy voter I could not help but write about how impressed I am with current politics.

In fact, I love it when politicians wait until the very last minute of a major issue (like the Fiscal Cliff) to hash out a solution in the middle of the night. I especially like the part when the public gets to be surprised by the results. There’s nothing better for planning ahead for your future than tax policy surprises. Instead of having a comprehensive plan to discuss openly and come to an agreement on the best course of action well ahead of time (what a drag), I really prefer this new approach of making policies in a rush at midnight.

I remember studying at midnight for a test the next day. I’m sure our politicians will have equally good results when determining a comprehensive system of taxation.

It’s great that with these last minute deals that there’s no time for the American people to debate or comment on the finished plan until after it has been passed. After all, we don’t need time to review policies in order to give our representatives feedback on how we would like them to vote. I’m sure their spouses, girlfriends and their fellow party members will give them more than enough advice to make up for all the American people that might have had something to say about the finished plan. Who really cares about how they are going to be taxed anyway?

I am also so happy that we keep electing career politicians. Everyone knows that the best lawmakers are those who have become so entrenched in their party’s dogma that they cannot possibly have meaningful discussions with the opposing political party for the good of the American people. I would hate it if we elected someone new who wasn’t in the pocket of lobbyists and special interest groups or who wasn’t concerned with whether or not passing the current policy would ruin the possibility of them getting re-elected for the eighth time because they are fighting to preserve their way of life as career politicians.

I would also hate to have representatives in the Senate or Congress who have actually worked for a living at some point in the last 20 years and have an accurate perspective of what the public is going through. It would be super lame if we elected someone who brought a fresh perspective and new ideas. Really, the best way to solve our problems is to keep electing the people who have been in charge of solving them for the past 20 to 40 years. They have valuable experience.

Also, I think it would be horrible if our politicians were deadlocked by slander and vitriol. I would hate to see them waging a philosophical war over party lines and have a president who only stoked the flames of these war fires. At least we have a leader who puts party politics aside to find real solutions. I would hate to see our president failing to bring Democrats and Republicans together on the commonalities that unite us as Americans. After all, that’s what real leaders do; they unite their people.

I really like how the president soothes all of the divisiveness between the political parties as well. I especially enjoy how he refers to anyone not in his political party as “they” and “them” and that only people who share his philosophy (rather than all Americans) get to be referred to as “we” and “us.” I love how he is everyone’s president, and doesn’t act like he is just the president of the 51% of people who elected him. The White House positively glows with a love and respect for all Americans.

After this silly Fiscal Cliff thing is over, I can’t wait to see what our politicians will do over the national debt crisis. I wonder if they will wait until we are at the edge of another cliff to find real solutions to that problem, too? I love these nail-biter, last-minute decisions, especially when the wellbeing of our country and our futures are at stake.

Oh, it’s a great time to be alive. We’re going to get everything we voted for!

L.J. Martin lives in Nevada City.

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