Lorraine’s Lowdown: I saw the sign | TheUnion.com

Lorraine’s Lowdown: I saw the sign

Lorraine Jewett
Special to The Union

Leave It to Beaver(s). A beaver colony within Alta Sierra is apparently doing what beavers do: building dams and lodges. The eager beavers chewed down a willow tree, which fell into a pond off Norlene Way. Thanks for the tip and photo, Ken Holbrooke…

After an 11-hour Flight, Sandy “Jake” Jacobson and Sue Gill stepped into the sauna that is Fiji’s climate. “The air was so humid, our sunglasses needed windshield wipers!” quipped Jake. Even the ocean was too warm. After dipping her toe in the South Pacific, Sue exclaimed; “If this was my bath water, I’d add cold water before I’d get in.” The couple explored two islands: the one they landed on, and one they walked/swam to/from as the tide ebbed and flowed. “We also discovered hermit crab races,” says Jake. “Lucky for us, the kids’ camp coordinator observed our age in negative dog years and allowed us to enter. After a disappointing hermit crab race loss to Fiji, team USA went back to the bar for adult libations and a win..!”

Mr. Bob, also known to Chicago Park Elementary School students as Mr. Maintenance Man, periodically updates the school’s marquee with motivational messages to inspire students: “Keep smiling, keep having fun, and keep reading,” “Whether it’s written in the stars or in the sand, keep reading,” “Even good habits are hard to break, so keep reading,” and “Keep a smile on your face, music in your feet, and keep reading…”

Chicago Park Superintendent/Principal Katie Kohler says, “Bob has been a huge addition to the Chicago Park Family. He always has a big smile on his face and always goes above and beyond for anyone at the school, including staff, students and parents.” Community Kudos to the ever enthusiastic and encouraging Bob Schmitt…

Two Friends were discussing what each had given up for Lent. Friend No. 1: “I love it so much, but I gave up buying cups of coffee and lattes.” Helpful friend No. 2: “Does it count if I buy them for you…?”

Security Systems Protect things, but more importantly, they protect peace of mind. “People who have been burglarized are not as upset over stolen objects, but most disturbed about feeling violated and losing their sense of safety,” says Bob Medlyn, owner of Beam Easy Living Center. “Not so long ago, only rich people had security systems. Now most homeowners have them. It’s like microwave ovens in the ‘80s. Back then, only wealthy people had them. Now you can’t find a home that doesn’t have a microwave…”

A Few Observations from my recent trip to the Scottsdale, AZ, area for a week of Cactus League Spring Training baseball games…

After an Egregious Error by a San Francisco Giants player, a fan remarked, “That guy just earned a spot on the roster of the Sacramento River Cats…”

One Game was speeding along so fast, the announcer wisecracked, “These teams are playing this game as if they are double parked outside the stadium…”

A Certain Player known as one of the fastest runners in the league unfortunately isn’t much of a hitter. A fan remarked wryly, “That guy may be fast, but it’s too bad he can’t steal first base…”

A Veteran Vendor hawking lemonade shouted a cheery little ditty as he lumbered up and down the aisles: “Lemonade, lemonade, just like Grandma made! Yum-yum, gotta get some..!”

This Anecdote comes from a fan who told me he was a catcher in college. During one of his games, the home plate umpire called a ball when he thought the pitch was a strike. The catcher stood up, turned around, and asked snarkily, “Excuse me, am I in your way here…?”

Headed Back to Our Hamlet, a flight attendant explained what to do if our plane experienced an unexpected drop in cabin pressure. She assured passengers, “If we expected a drop in cabin pressure, we wouldn’t have shown up for work today.” She continued with a warning against smoking anywhere in the plane. “If you try to smoke inside, you’ll be escorted to our open air patio on the wing…”

And Finally, an insight about the maternal nature of women from author and humorist Dave Barry: “If a woman has to choose between catching a fly ball and saving an infant’s life, she will choose to save the infant’s life without even considering if there is a man on base…”

Please send your happy news, birthdays, anniversaries, and travel stories to LorraineJewettWrites@gmail.com.

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