Boyfriend needs to put foot down
Dear Annie: In January, my boyfriend and I moved in together after four months of dating. We both have young daughters, and we love all of them. His ex took off two years ago and has no interaction with the children. Their grandmother and great-grandmother, however, have played an active role in the girls’ lives. Due to my boyfriend’s work schedule, the girls stay overnight with his mother several nights a week.
Here’s the problem: His family does not approve of me. They haven’t said so to my face, but I know they have hated me since Day One, mainly because of my tattoos and lip ring. I have a great job, pay all of my bills and am very responsible. I removed the lip ring in order to gain their acceptance, but it made no difference. They badmouth my daughter and me to his girls. It’s become so difficult that his girls don’t want to be near me. His 3-year-old told my daughter she is “dumber than a box of rocks.” We found out that Grandma taught her that.
My boyfriend and I only want what’s best for our children and have been discussing breaking up, which neither of us wants. I have tried to talk to his family, but they refuse to answer my calls. I don’t know what to do. I want to keep our family together and our children happy. — N.Y.
Dear N.Y.: This is primarily up to your boyfriend. He needs to make it clear that such behavior will not be tolerated. Would he be willing to put the children in daycare so that his mother and grandmother have less influence? Would the threat of doing so stop them from denigrating you in front of the children? Frankly, we think moving in after four months was a bit premature, and it wouldn’t hurt to take things more slowly. But whether or not you are living together, unless your boyfriend puts his foot down with his mother and grandmother, the situation will not improve.
Dear Annie: My husband dropped me off in front of a store so I could buy one item. He was in a golf cart and said, “I will be on this end when you come out.”
My shopping took less than two minutes because they didn’t have the item I needed. When I came outside, my husband was not where he said he would be. I waited in clear view in front of the store, but when he didn’t come after five minutes, I began to walk toward where he said he would be waiting.
He wasn’t there, so I turned around and walked the other way, thinking I must have misunderstood him. I did this back-and-forth three times and then just waited in front of the store for another 20 minutes.
My husband insists he stayed in the same spot the entire time and didn’t see me. He said I should have come looking for him in the crowded parking lot.
I feel he should have been looking for me since he was the one driving. Where he was parked was obscured from my vantage point. He also knows I have poor vision. Who is right? — Wife Left at the Door
Dear Wife: The spot your husband picked made him invisible to you and vice versa. He should have been waiting where he said he would be, and you should have looked for him there and then waited where he dropped you off. You absolutely should not have been searching a crowded parking lot. (This is one advantage of having a cellphone.)
Write to: Annie’s Mailbox, c/o Creators Syndicate, 737 3rd St., Hermosa Beach, CA 90254.
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