Best of Nevada County Blotter 2020, Part 1 |

Best of Nevada County Blotter 2020, Part 1

It’s time for the annual roundup of what’s arguably one of The Union’s most popular sections: the police blotter.

The Union is one of the few newspapers that still prints items from its local law enforcement agencies’ dispatch reports. While serious news takes place in those reports — things you’d want to know about if they happened on your street — the police blotter also reveals the human condition in all its frailty and, sometimes, its humor.

These were some of our favorites from 2020:

Jan. 3: 10:58 a.m. — A man from a business in the 100 block of Neal Street reported his new registration sticker was not sticking to his bike, and said it was an emergency. He was advised to use tape. He then called to say he didn’t want the bike anymore and he was tricked into giving away all his money. He then began cussing and yelling and said he was going to hurt someone. When asked if he was armed, he said he was armed with his fists. The situation was worked out.

Jan. 14: 4:34 p.m. — A woman reported the lady she rents a room from will not shut up. She could not leave because she was cooking mac and cheese for her grandson. She was advised about misusing 911.

Jan. 16: 1:06 p.m. — A caller reported an idiot driving. When asked which road, the caller said, “I don’t know,” and hung up.

Feb. 6: 3:24 p.m. — A man from Highway 20 and Mooney Flat Road reported a Middle Eastern person with carrier pigeons. He knows this might sound strange, but terrorists are trying to find new ways of infiltrating the country.

Feb. 8: 3:59 p.m. — A woman reported she had just returned home from a bar on Mill Street and some women took her hubby, because they always flirt with him and are jealous of her. On contact, she reported he had come home.

Feb. 9: 6:06 p.m. — A caller from Maidu Avenue reported a person in a car parked, trying to communicate with an inmate via a sign that said “I love you call me.” The person was gone when an officer arrived.

Feb. 13: 5:26 p.m. — A man from the 500 block of Brighton Street said to send a cop over and then hung up. On call back, he was asked for a reason and said he had a warrant, then said dispatch was preventing him from smoking a cigarette before he went to jail. He then hung up again. On a second call back, he said he was the problem. He was arrested on the outstanding warrant.

Feb. 19: 3:07 p.m. — A man reported a problem with his girlfriend, who he was trying to make his ex.

March 9: 5 a.m. — A caller from the 700 block of Sutton Way reported a man on a bike was yelling and tried to flip a car “like he was the Hulk, but he isn’t.”

March 11: 5:19 p.m. — A girl from East Main Street and Idaho Maryland Road reported she just stole a bottle of vodka and was extremely drunk. She was located and said she was not drunk and did not really steal anything. She was just hoping to be arrested so she could see her boyfriend in Juvenile Hall. She was released to her mother.

March 17: 5:36 p.m. — A man from Cedar Avenue reported ongoing issues with “self-righteous tofu-farting liberal women” who walk through his property to Condon Park and harass him about his dogs being miserable in their kennels and the way he is training them. He said he was just going to start punching people in the face and knocking them out if this keeps up.

March 22: 6:13 p.m. — A woman called to say she did not have the coronavirus but needed help with her drunken landlord because he told her to stop making a cheesecake for his birthday and was yelling at her. She was slurring her words and when asked if she had been drinking, responded, “Like half the Pacific Ocean.” She was contacted and while very drunk, was OK.

March 28: 6:01 p.m. — A caller in the 300 block of Pleasant Street reported that “her husband was nagging her and she doesn’t need that.”

March 30: 10:34 a.m. — A caller from Brewer Road and Conestoga Lane reported an alarm going on and off for the last several days on a property known for marijuana grows. A woman was contacted and said she had been setting off car alarms to “fend off electrical warfare.”

April 6: 2:09 p.m. — A caller from a business in the 800 block of Old Tunnel Road reported one of the ”Brunswick radicals” was in the parking lot, yelling and “all puffed up like King Kong.” Then someone else was yelling at the first man.

April 22: 6:48 p.m. — A caller in the 100 block of West McKnight Way asked dispatch if he could legally move his van, which he lives in. Dispatch said that wasn’t possible, and the caller said he had to punch a transient that was inside the van. Dispatch asked if the person needed medical attention, and the caller asked if dispatch was a feminist and got her job because of affirmative action. The caller then hung up.

April 23: 10:52 a.m. — A caller from the 600 block of East Main Street reported a man with his pants down and a plastic bag on his head, and a woman dancing in her underwear. They were moving along.

May 11: 5:41 p.m. — A man from Sugarloaf Mountain wanted law enforcement to remove all the hazardous waste caused by the “Beavis and Butthead meth labs” near his tent.

May 17: 1:02 p.m. — A man reported being harassed and told to leave by another man telling him “the most diabolical things.”

May 19: 6:54 a.m. — A man called and then said it was a prank. On call back, a second man could be heard fake crying and yelling, “Keep crying like a baby.” Then both men started crying like babies and talking about each other’s girlfriends.

May 25: 11:43 a.m. — A caller from McKittrick Ranch Road reported a baby goat was stuck in a fence and a miniature horse was trying to get it unstuck.

May 26: 3:27 p.m. — A caller from Allison Ranch and McCourtney roads reported a man “mean-mugging” people as they drove by. He was possibly drunk or under the influence and “walking like a chicken.” He could not be located.

May 31: 11:17 a.m. — A woman said she was not from the area and needed to know the way to get back to San Jose.

— Compiled by Liz Kellar

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