Savannah Hanson: No footsteps — Surrendering to the void
I am writing this on the evening of the eclipse/solstice having been bathed in huge waves of energy over the last week. Despite possible appearances, it is actually a wave of profound love energy, supporting us in transmuting eons of conditioning and programming in the wink of an eye. What may have taken decades or lifetimes can now sometimes be integrated in a day or an hour. Yet that doesn’t mean you might not feel like you got run over by a train.
I notice many are having very deep primal programming surfacing. It can have us scrambling for ground as these energies can be extremely disorienting. Ironically, I am receiving the message to allow the floating feeling, the sense of losing orientation.
A friend was visiting for a few days and she told me she saw me in the labor pains of ego death. Perhaps that sounds desirable but from her description of her own experience, it can feel anything but. My own experience is one of disorientation, where time and space seems distorted. Even my GPS malfunctioned and I got lost trying to locate Ridge Road!
For me, the theme has been letting go of rescuing others or believing I need to be rescued myself, the guilt that accompanies that shift in key relationships and a primal sense of not feeling safe, of wanting to anchor external safety. With all the rumors and conflicting stories of what is happening now or coming in the future, it is easy to get lost in fear and anxiety. We then may want to grab on to another’s answer, plan, viewpoint. Yet what the last year has shown me repeatedly is no one can direct our path ultimately. After years of taking the courses, reading the books, studying with mentors or gurus, we come to a crossroad. And in this crossroad we must turn down an unmarked path. Yikes!
When I went to Israel last year, my fantasy was that I would follow in the footsteps of Jesus and awaken some awareness of my own role back at that time in history. It turns out to have been the catalyst for the exact opposite experience. I went on the pilgrimage with a cherished mentor and ended up seeing I can no longer follow anyone. Each person I encounter may have some things that fit for me, seem accurate and other aspects the no longer resonate, may even feel distorted. We can get caught in the slipstream of other’s toxic misperceptions.
Especially when safety fears get triggered, as they are for many of us, we want to scramble for certainty and direction, to take control and know what to do. But what is clear now is that the ego self is really clueless when it comes to the unknown of the future. No one knows what will happen or how to prepare, unless they have connected with themself. In that place, we are informed by our own consciousness, not necessarily in the timing we prefer, but as each step is necessary, the path appears beneath our feet.
This level of trust has been difficult to access and then maintain. We are so used to scrambling for control, for someone to tell us what to do, show us what is required when our very safety appears to be at stake. We may blindly follow authority or others without doing our own research, checking inside. Yet over and over I am shown no one knows what is right for me. This is extremely disorienting and I want to grab for security and certainty even though I am shown the only security is a mainline connection to the source within.
By definition ego death requires us to let go of anchor points. The quantum field does not include reference points rather rest in uncertainty. The Heisenberg uncertainty relation means that a quantum field cannot sit still. Instead, it froths and boils, a bubbling soup of particles and anti-particles, constantly created and destroyed. The opportunity now is to embrace the radiance of this uncertainty and simply know each step will be guided, each need met in the ideal timing.
In fact my friend advised me to let go of my attachment to two handholds, one relationship and my home. I keep clinging to these two last anchors. Yet if we hang on to the old, we can not create anew. Manifestation appears in our lives from the known, the already existing. Yet if we want to create a new earth, we must create new systems, experiences, economies, communities that are completely new. To do so we must let go of our grasp of the old and dive in heart first, trusting we will be guided and our foot will receive ground only after we step into the void.
For information on private sessions or classes or to schedule a free 20-minute consultation, contact Savannah Hanson, M.A., MFT #40422 at (530) 575-5052 or RisingasLove@gmail.com
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