Summer is right around the corner and, while we look forward to loosening up on the schedule, most of us parents also feel some trepidation about the big break. Summer seems to bring with it an obligation to entertain our kids, to keep endless tricks up our parental sleeves to alleviate their boredom, and to over-police their over-screen time. How can we approach summer in a way that makes it fun and meaningful, but also in a way that allows us to keep (most of) our sanity?
Before summer starts, I suggest a family meeting to discuss dreams, ideas, and plans for the summer. It’s also a good time to decide together on a few simple goals to serve as a foundation for your summer activities. Suggested below are a few goals to get you started; feel free to tweak things to suit your family members and their unique needs.
Goal 1: Personal growth and responsibility
For years we posted a simple, one-page document on the fridge listing the ground rules for summer. This set the tone for those unstructured days, making expectations clear for growing as an individual and for contributing to the family. The heading on our document read:
Whatever You Want to Do Time!...after all of the following are completed.
These items were on our ground rules list for daily expectations. I have made them generic in order to suit more families:
- Read a chapter/picture book for a specified amount of time
- Do your expected chores
- Keep your room clean [with particulars about what a clean room means]
- Practice something creative for a [specified] minimum amount of time
- Exercise for a [specified] minimum amount of time
- Complete at least 2 additional family chores
The list is intentionally short and easy to track. Following the list are options, preferably brainstormed with the kids, for creative activities, exercise (swimming counts!), and a list of possible extra chores. It’s important that the activities and exercise ideas include our kids’ passions and interests. Add the element of fun where you can.
Goal 2: Quality family time
Family is the first social structure that our children experience. It is where they learn the basics of communication, interaction, and relationship. Quality family time is an experience where we relax, have open conversation, and are attentive to one another. In this spirit, it can be helpful to have a project or two planned for the summer: Growing a garden, building a treehouse, honing sports skills together, etc.
Many families have Tuesday Taco Night or Friday Pizza Night, which serves as a time for family fun and closeness. How about adding in a Family Game Night for the summer? Let kids participate in choosing the games; whoop it up and enjoy each other. Not into games? Try a Reading Night where you take turns reading a book out loud. Both theme nights create a way to share, laugh, and discuss.
Goal 3: A sense of routine
Life doesn’t have to turn entirely upside down just because school is out. It can be helpful to set up regular, structured activities like swim team practice, martial arts, consistent times with friends, etc. throughout the week.
But … it’s important also to make unstructured time part of the scheduled routine. If our kids are habitually and constantly occupied by structured activities, they lose the opportunity to stop, look around them, and create. Children are naturally curious and they need some “nothing time” to find that curiosity and follow its urgings. When they need a little guidance, you might present the activity jar — created by you and your kids back at that family meeting — and allow your bored children to pick three slips of paper out, with the understanding that they’ll do one of them.
One of the great mysteries of life is how children who can’t get up on time for school can get up before dawn every morning, all summer long. If you have a kid or two like that, a simple rule about staying quietly in their room until the sun rises can be helpful. Try coming up with a range of wake up and bed times that is more flexible than the school schedule but that is still workable for you.
The pre-summer family meeting can give you an idea of the type of experiences your children want. Are they looking forward to being busy, going to camp or on vacation, or staying home and chilling? Have family members share what seems fun to them, and try to work in something for everyone. Get them outdoors, whether it be biking, swimming, camping or all of the above. Guiding our kids to love nature and all it has to offer can make a profound difference to their lives.
I can’t sign off on this article without addressing the bogeyman: Screen time. Most kids today turn to screens as a preferred activity, and they also default to it when they feel there is nothing else to do. For this reason, we want to have specific limits around the amount of time our kids are on screens this summer. Screen time is a privilege and not a right, earned only when kids have fulfilled all their expectations. Even then, have your child set the timer and be responsible for stopping at an agreed-upon time.
Not every day is a kid day
Let go of the need to fill every day with child-centered activities. Set aside some days to have everyone pitch in to clean the house, clear the yard, get the garden ready, etc. These times, while not the most fun, instill a sense of belonging, competence, and understanding that our kids are an important and needed part of the family team. Afterwards, celebrate! Barbecue and ice cream, anyone?
The balance of responsibility, free time, family closeness and fun can make for a meaningful and magical summer that your family will look back on with joy. As they say, the tans may fade … but the memories will last forever.
Jinnae Anderson is the Parenting Specialist for the Family Resource Center and the Nevada County Superintendent of Schools. She teaches an 8-week Nurturing Parenting class series and other parenting workshops within the community. Contact Jinnae at janderson@nevco.org or 530.238.5608.
