Savannah Hanson: True self, no self
I imagine if you read this column you are either highly sensitive, wanting to awaken from the dream of separation and/or are aware that fear and suffering are not very fun and are looking for a way out. I realized the other day that I thought way more people experience energy similar to how I do and were aware physically of big energy frequency shifts. Yet when I took a very informal survey, I found that my assumption (always a mistake to assume anything so that was the first error) was inaccurate; I discovered almost nobody seems to feel it as I do.
By now most of us feel how pervasive fear is and are interested in how to get free. My column is geared toward those interested in that commitment or intent. I do write them based on what I feel is the prevailing energy and the need it may bring to the surface. April has proved to be a very powerful energetic month. It may have surfaced a lot of shadow, trauma and inner density. Now we can see that as a blessing or as a curse.
Polarity and duality feels to me like it continues to increase. Yet, for me, the good news about that is it makes the contrast between fear and love ever more clear and obvious. It can be the exact motivation we need to commit to what often used to be a rather arduous journey to liberation. A generation ago it was within the purview of very few. Now the route is becoming more marked and, I understand, may become a process that is much more expedient.
I know for me the strong energy has been a true gift in revealing the deeper teaching of books like “A Course in Miracles.” After decades of attention it is now very clear to me that nothing in form can truly satisfy, will always leave us wanting more, never brings the desired fulfillment and thus leads to chasing the need for more.
Once we have finally played that game long enough, we will yearn for something else. This last month has finally gotten me to truly let go of seeking externally for the answer. Rather now I see only returning to source or what some call the true self is a permanent and eternal answer.
In the last month a number of times I landed in a vast spacious presence where there was no desire for anything more, no lack, no fear, no uncertainty. The level of peace is indescribable, at least by me. Yet it had me ready to sign on the dotted line and fully commit to choosing again if I found myself believing the answers can be found at the level of form, of physicality. I literally went around the world twice and tried so many things hoping for lasting satisfaction from scuba diving in the Maldives, dining in Paris, safari in Tanzania, marriage, parenting and so on and yet nothing gave lasting satisfaction. This inner state did and does.
Now the one tiny caveat is that to reach this state we must transmute the ego which is not generally considered to be an easy game. I have been playing it for many years. Yet when the ego finally started to dissolve more fully, there have been moments of freak out. I have experienced feelings of loss, boredom, disintegration, falling, void that have varied from uncomfortable to super unpleasant and began to wonder what was up. I was reassured by several people who have seemingly made the jump to a non-attached, relatively or fully ego-less state that this is par for the course. Good news yet still not much fun. That was last month. Yet what felt like a disappearance, a great loss, turns out to be the beginnings of an arrival.
This month the few experiences of this vast spaciousness have been stunning and very desirable. For me it has been accompanied by serenity, bliss, a vastness that seems to reach to the galaxies and beyond. It is a feeling I had never previously known despite what some might call profound spiritual experiences such as seeing heaven and other miraculous visions. Yes this was very different.
In this I had no sense of self, no sense of boundaries, no sense of separation. There was only vastness, spaciousness, a sweeping boundless, expansive emptiness. Reading that, to me, does not sound all that miraculous or remarkable. Yet if you wish, you can trust me, and believe it was. It has been some of the most powerful experiences of my life to embody something so limitless, so beyond desire, so COMPLETE. So far, it has not yet lasted long.
I share this as for me the journey of seeking had seemed to result in boredom and a void of meaninglessness. In case you ever explore a similar terrain, know that something completely unique may await just beyond the last horizon.
For information on private sessions or classes or to schedule a free 30-minute mini session, contact Savannah Hanson, M.A., MFT #40422 at 530-575-5052 or RisingasLove@gmail.com
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