Savannah Hanson: Pressure and the Rings of Fear
“I went out to the hazel wood,
Because a fire was in my head…”
— “The Song of Wandering Aengus,” by William Butler Yeats
The time has come where we simply must remember to choose love over fear. As structures and relationships that used to give us a sense of safety begin to dissolve globally and personally, fear is the conditioned response many will feel. We can feel traumatized by the level of fear both in our own lives and in the collective. It is easy to slip into victim and give all our attention to trying to control situations and fight our way free.
Yet with this intense pressure, more will be willing to choose again, to choose to find a new way. “A Course in Miracles” came into existence when two people decided together there had to be a better way. We can make the same choice. Many resist this choice until the fear becomes so loud that we are having trouble functioning.
The quote from Yeats has been reverberating for me as I too have felt a fire in my head. It is just over four months ago that all four of my deepest fears came barreling in on me within about a week of each other. The fear became so loud that I have had to dig even deeper into the knowing of who I am. Then last month the noise got even louder as, again within about a week, my refrigerator died while I was out of the country, my car key I had never bothered to get fixed broke in the ignition resulting in a tow and expensive repair and finally I discovered soaking carpets upstairs and down along with dripping wet walls.
Trust me when I tell you I had a few choice words with the divine and wanted to dropkick the mystery into eternal damnation. There were moments when the crushing pressure of fear felt unbearable. I ended up on medicine for high blood pressure, the first prescription I had taken in decades and even then a very rare experience for me. Yes, victim was a siren song telling me after all this internal work I have done it was unfair. Yet I dug deep and choose again to finally get the message.
I have had three or four panic attacks this year and after so many years of debilitating anxiety that was simply unacceptable. Here is what I realized. I simply had to see all events as neutral, to love what is, to embrace the power of now. So even when I was told my walls would have to be torn up to find a leak which seemingly would have been an expense I could not meet, I stayed glued to neutrality. (And all was fixed for less than $50.) And that is when everything began to shift and one miracle after another began to arise with more consistency to meet my needs and resolve all seeming disasters.
Yes, it can take more courage then we believe we have. Yes it can require great willingness. Yet the vistas of expansion, joy and freedom that begin to be revealed when we choose only love are so gratifying and liberating that we become bulldogs on pork chops willing to do whatever it takes to rest in the sanctuary of our own hearts.
It is easy to get lost in the tension of this quickening, of these times. Yet truly it has never been easier, for those who are willing, to find the freedom much faster. Willingness is the key. Many get stuck on the willingness part. They are determined to control outcomes, make things happens using their personal will to fix problems. Yet finally exhaustion may set in and we are now willing to turn things over, see if the mystery will bail us out. At first the miracles may be small yet are the breadcrumbs that keep us on the trail.
Specialness is the final holdout of the ego, the belief that something or someone external to us will save us. This is the last fortress of the ego and can take great wisdom to see its gifts are false and only keep us imprisoned. The light pouring on to the planet will highlight our choice, love or fear. It may only be when the fear becomes unbearable that we find the open door beckoning us to our freedom. The door has appeared hidden for so long yet always rested in our own being.
For information on private sessions or classes, or to schedule a free 20-minute consultation, contact Savannah Hanson, M.A., MFT #40422 at 530-575-5052 or RisingasLove@gmail.com
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