Savannah Hanson: Mercy and the human creature
Many of us may be experiencing great dives into uncharted territory of the inner psyche. It may be to subterranean caves sealed off in childhood when the pain was too great. We did not have the resources then to hold for ourselves. Hopefully we do now. If not, please find someone to help you with the trauma.
For those that can, a profound holding is required. It may feel as if this revisited territory will never end, is absolutely hopeless, evokes great despair. It can be easy to be swept away in the raging torrent of emotions. Yet know this. This is NOT as it was in childhood. We now have resources and skills we did not have then. So the feeling of it being endless is simply not true. Yet to integrate these wounds we must have mercy for the creature within that feels so bereft. We are asked to welcome these abandoned aspects of self, long buried in the rubble of trauma. The way out is through.
So many will approach the spiritual experience as a way to escape the messiness of being human. I certainly had until now. Yet if we wish to gain absolute freedom, we must pay the piper of the creature, be willing to go and feel whatever arises in the now, hold our own hand in those dark and terrifying places. Get help if necessary. But please show mercy for those broken lost aspects within.
The psyche may feel on overdrive with a heavy bipolar energy frequently pulling us from dark to light and back at lightening speed. Yet these incredibly high frequencies contain a powerful presence of freedom and awakening for those with the courage to dive into the shadows being exposed.
When a pattern cycles around for the umpteenth time, we can become discouraged or feel we have somehow failed. Hopefully we are simply in a spacious enough place to take a deeper cut. It is vital we validate and have compassion for our own wounds. Can we neither suppress or identify with these wounds? It is easy to see long standing issues as something we ARE rather then an experience we are having. Can we have mercy for the human, the creature that may feel so lost, confused, unstable, worried about survival?
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Survival is a core program that is being deeply triggered for many now. The level of uncertainty about so many foundational aspects of life being shattered can be incredibly ungrounding.
Yet the level of revelation and downloads these energies can bring is literally unprecedented. In my life I have uncovered a profound way I had inadvertently been traumatizing myself. The ability to sense and feel energy so powerfully has been both a gift and a curse for me. It is invaluable in my work yet had me identifying myself as one who was simply too sensitive to stick this planet. When I finally stopped identifying with the body as who I am four years ago, that shifted yet went underground. Now I believed I could stick it here but never be truly in joy, feeling safe on Earth. Uncovering this core limiting belief has been incredibly liberating yet it goes further.
I had a miserable birthday at about age 23. I decided to always make my birthday special from then on. I passed this requirement on to my family until they revolted. So initially I tried to use personal will to make the needy part of self feel fed, mostly by others. Then I saw the cost of that pattern and tried desperately to kill off that needy part of self.
In a desperate attempt to make peace with this sensitivity, I tried to emphasis the easily misunderstood aspect of spirituality that seemingly tries to get us to disembody. A core teaching is we are not our bodies so let’s just try to forget the human, ignore its needs. I am now calling this spiritual prostitution because I was caught unconsciously in this for too long.
A dear friend told me repeatedly there is no Savannah. At the absolute level, true. But too many of us will get caught then in trying to ignore our needs. First we may desperately try to get others to meet our needs, so hungry after all the ways our needs were not met as children. Then we may try to kill off our own needs, take the spiritual high road and forget the messy human until that too backfires into suffering. This untold suffering can stay underground for so long until we wake up.
It was a shock to discover I had been traumatizing myself by ignoring my own needs, trying to kill off the needy aspects of self. If I can kill off the human, I will not suffer. Nope. So to come full circle, on this birthday when I allowed myself to post a photo of a balloon on Facebook. I watched the inner aspect go crazy with relief that I was finally honoring her desire to be celebrated on her birthday as she had been as a child; sweet relief.
It is a tricky balance between noting and having compassion for these inner lost parts and becoming identified with them and indulging them. Divine beings having a human experience. The opportunity is to hold these lost inner aspects with the deepest compassion while sheltering them in a spacious field of presence. Diving into these shadow parts allows us to ultimately access full presence and finally be able to celebrate being alive on this wild planet. Mercy.
To schedule a free 30 minute consultation or a reduced price session during the month of June for new clients, contact Savannah Hanson, M.A., MFT #40422 at 530-575-5052 or RisingasLove@gmail.com
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