Meg Luce: Relationship resolutions |

Meg Luce: Relationship resolutions

It’s a New Year and decade! Time to reflect on what’s going well and what changes you would like to make. This applies to life goals, as well as how you may want to fine-tune your relationship. Are you and your partner having enough fun together? Are you whispering sweet nothings in each other’s ears now and then? Are you remembering the blessings your partner adds to your life, or are you taking each other for granted?

If you are feeling a little humdrum in your relationship, it is possible to sparkle things up. You don’t need a trip to the Mykonos, a brow lift, or even a tummy tuck to refresh things with your sweetheart. It just takes a little thought about what you want to create and some resolve to do it. Here are a few ideas that might help.

Keep In Touch With Yourself

First of all, are you feeling excited about your own life? Someone I know once said, “I’m feeling ‘blah’ about my partner. My relationship feels sort of…meh.” I said, “Are you feeling excited about yourself?” They paused and said, “Uh…no.” I said, “How about starting there?” You can’t expect your partner to fill you up with enthusiasm when your zest for life is in the toilet. The New Year is a good time to think about how you might like to invigorate your life. How about trying something totally new? What sounds appealing? Tai Chi at sunrise? Ecstatic Dance? Bird Watching? Hey, you only live once; what do you think would light you up?

Autonomous Change

If you would like your relationship to feel different, you don’t have to wait for your partner to change. Just like Gandhi said, “You must be the change you want to see in the world.” If you want your relationship to feel more upbeat, be upbeat. If you want it to be more loving, act more loving. I remember one time when my husband and I were in the doldrums; I thought to myself, “He used to be so funny. What happened?” The more I thought about it, the more I realized I wasn’t laughing at his bits of humor the way I used to. He responded by making less of an effort. Once I started laughing at his silly antics and jokes again, poof — he brought the funny back!

It is freeing to realize you can make autonomous changes. Decide how you want to be and do it. You can create that thing you want and don’t have to wait for your partner. You might be surprised at how your actions create positive energy that your partner might catch onto. If they don’t, you will have the satisfaction of living the way you want. If things don’t change, you can have a conversation about it.

Keep In Touch With Each Other

Life gets busy and we all know that. If you and your spouse don’t carve out time to sit and talk about what is important, it often doesn’t happen. Plan time to check-in. During those discussions, you can share what you are appreciating about your lives together. You can plan activities that you both enjoy. You can discuss the things that bother each of you, so negative emotions don’t build up and cover over the positive feelings you have for each other. Dealing with your emotions will keep things feeling fresh. 

You don’t have to wait for a new year to change the status quo. If you want to get into a nice flow with each other in the New Year and beyond, resolve to attend to your relationship and make it your best decade yet.

Meg Luce, M.S., is a Marriage and Family Therapist in Grass Valley specializing in helping couples create satisfying relationships. You can find her contact info at

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