Best Valentine’s Day: How to stay in sync with yours truly
Do you ever wonder, what should I get my sweetheart for Valentine’s Day? Or did you ever get the “wrong thing,” which you later realized by your spouse’s chilly reaction to your gift? Perhaps you have forgotten about this holiday, only to later discover that St. Valentine mattered more than you ever imagined. OK sure, these are first world problems, but Valentine’s Day can create some pressure to get it right.
Unspoken expectations don’t only relate to Valentine’s Day, but also apply to other holidays such as birthdays and anniversaries. People place meaning on the behaviors of their spouse or significant other and tender feelings can accidentally get hurt. “You forgot our anniversary, don’t you love me anymore?” “I wanted flowers for my birthday, don’t you care?” “Chocolates? You know I’m trying to stay away from sugar!”
This can create a bit of angst for people trying to figure out how to create a lovely surprise for a special day. Not to mention the Hallmark images and sales ads that start flooding in. It can leave a person at a loss. Should I listen to the jewelry ads —Diamonds are forever? Would cubic zirconia suffice? Maybe I should be safe and go with red roses. Hold on…doesn’t she like peonies? Or was it ponies? Even Oprah is complaining across the airwaves that Steadman needs to step it up this Valentine’s Day. Good luck, guy; pressure’s on!
It’s Different For Everyone
So with all of these holiday booby traps, how do you have the best Valentine’s Day ever? Well, there is not a one-size-fits-all Valentine’s Day gift that will work for everyone every time. But first, it starts with figuring out for yourself what the holiday means to you. Think through how you would like to celebrate as well as what sounds fun to your partner.
As any good couples therapist will tell you, communication counts. Sometimes people think it’s not meaningful if they tell their partner what they want. Not true! It can be fun and amazing to say what you want, then receive it. You can have fun thinking about a nice way to celebrate. Couple’s massage? Dinner out — no kids? A day snowshoeing? On the other hand, if you are someone that wants to be surprised, say that, and remember anything goes. Also, maybe you are the person who doesn’t care about such things. That’s OK too. But you might want to check in with your partner and see if they feel the same.
A Wish List Can Help
I recently heard about a lady receiving Dr. Scholl arch supports for Valentine’s Day. As you can imagine, this did not go over well! After that, she created a “wish list” that her husband could look at and choose from, so they both were sure to enjoy the holiday. This way if your partner is a practical sort of person, they can be steered away from things like orthotics, teeth whitening kits, or a back scratcher.
Best Valentine’s Days come from creating best relationships. This happens through knowing yourselves and each other well and celebrating all that you are to each other.
Meg Luce, M.S., is a Marriage and Family Therapist in Grass Valley specializing in helping couples create satisfying relationships. You can find her contact info at https://NevadaCountyTherapist.com
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