Suzie Daggett: Letting go — why is it so hard? | TheUnion.com

Suzie Daggett: Letting go — why is it so hard?

Suzie Daggett
Columnist

Have you ever laid in bed in the quiet dark hours of the morning and virtually watched your mind spin with situations you have no control over? Letting go of a mental loop like this is tricky business.

Perhaps you are obsessing about a relationship gone wrong, or a project that went off center or a surprising life change, welcomed or not.

Recently as my 90-year-old mom began her decline, a vast learning curve of letting go was in store for both of us.

With frankness, mom and I discussed the finalization of her death — letting go of her earthly body and her contented life to allow the mystery surrounding the next life to come into play. She thought it would be easy.

From the little I know, when one wants to let go, first you notice the tightness you hold, then slowly and intentionally allow the release, over and over. By unlocking your mind’s grip of its looping angst and inner voice control, you allow your heart and soul to guide you to ease.

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Every night, she asked her guides and angels to take her. Then she woke up, still here. We were perplexed. She wanted to exit, but she held on. Tightly. Until that perfect moment when the stars aligned (her philosophy) and she let go in peace.

I let go with tears and gratitude for mom and the experience we shared.

What does it mean to let go? Or maybe the better question is: why do we hang on to life, a relationship, an ideal or a situation?

From the little I know, when one wants to let go, first you notice the tightness you hold, then slowly and intentionally allow the release, over and over.

By unlocking your mind's grip of its looping angst and inner voice control, you allow your heart and soul to guide you to ease.

To let go consider the following:

Move from strident to soft

Imagine a situation where you are gritting your teeth, your stress level is maxed out, your face a frown. With awareness of your situation, allow your teeth to release; your stress directed towards a deep belly inhale and exhale; your frown turning to a slight smile.

You are beginning the process of softening and loosening to a relaxed state. This is a breakthrough where your worry can change into clear thoughts of action or non-action, depending on the situation.

Move from control to release

Trying to control the changeable future is fruitless. We can set intentions and visualize what we desire; however, our timeline or endpoint could be different from what we imagine.

When you give up trying to control the future and release the outcome, you tend to soften as you allow life to unfold with a natural rhythm. By doing this, what you need comes to you with ease and in ways you cannot create.

Move from reaction to pro-action

Check inside when you are reacting to a situation. Are you angry because you cannot control what is happening?

Take a pause as you considering changing to a proactive attitude where you override reactionary responses of despair, confusion or righteousness to words and deeds of understanding, compassion and calmness.

Do your best to feel the relief of softness as you open your heart, soul and mind.

Letting go is a process

Sometimes it happens in an instant. Yet, there can be a lag between wanting to let go of someone or something and the actual occurrence. Like any learning tool, practicing takes desire and determination to overcome old habits.

The more you practice, the more you will become an expert at changing your old habits and actions allowing for deep release. Letting go one day does not mean you are done.

Practice your steps over and over and over and you will learn the power of letting go.

Suzie Daggett is a writer and speaker. Her newest book is "The Pink Door: Moms' Journey to the Other Side" where she shares her emotional transparent thoughts about the passage from life to death. Suzie.daggett@gmail.com or http://www.suziedaggett.com.