So I remember back, when I went to my five-year high-school reunion (1969). We were all about 23 years old, and the reunion (for me) brought back just how much fun those four-years were … “Not.”
Hey there’s the class tough guy (we didn’t call them bullies back then). He sees me and says, “You haven’t changed a bit since high school” … I reply, “Thanks, still got my boyish face, eh?”
He says, “Nooo. You haven’t grown an inch, still a shrimp. What are you, about 4’2?” (followed by boisterous laughter).
“Hey, I’m a towering 5’ 6” now … with shoes on. You’re a Jerk!” … (I whisper under my breath so he can’t hear me).
I go over to a group of women (the intellectuals) to say “Hi,” and they are in a heavy discussion about women’s rights. So one of them turns to me and asks, “So what do you think about Roe versus Wade?”
“Ummm,” I say, “Well, from a guy’s point of view, it’s two ways to cross a river.” Not even a grin, they formed a circle just like the covered wagons, and I was the varmint on the outside.
Let me try another group of gals. Maybe I can impress them (the cheerleaders). So I start talking about what a big honcho I am now; big house, nice car, yeah … “I work out”, etc. I can see they are taking it all in as no one is saying a word. They must be in awe! And after about 10 minutes of “its all about me,” I start to walk away, and that’s when I knew they were checking my caboose out, as I heard one of them say to another, “What an ass!”
How about the jocks? Hey, I was on the wrestling team for three years so I could fit in, and I’m certain that they’ve forgotten about sticking me upside-down in a garbage can when I was a freshman … and a sophomore … and a junior … and ah, well, you get the picture. Ya know, on second thought … ummm, I think I’ll look for better memories.
The surfers’ group (remember the Beach Boy types) was a mellow bunch with not as much long, bleached-blonde hair as they had in high school, but even though I was an outsider, they were friendly. Ummm, they are still wearing that cannabis cologne.
Time to chat it up with the nerds, I can’t go wrong there. I figure I can impress these high-school losers by telling them I’m a heart surgeon. Heck, I’m never gonna see these folks again and they will probably believe anything I say. So before I can introduce myself, they start by saying this is Dr. Swanson, a cardiologist; Dr. Franklin, a podiatrist; and Dr. Boca a urologist … errrr … uhhh … “Hi, I’m Steve. Do you know where the restroom is?”
They passed around some ballots for us to vote on things like: Who looks like they did in high school? Who do you still have a crush on? Who has changed the most? And I actually came in first on the ballot for … “Who gets run over in the parking lot?”
Ummm … I think those darn cheerleaders and intellectuals got together on their vote … and I’m leaving early tonight.
Stephen R. Sowers lives in Grass Valley.