Savannah Hanson: Knowing our needs are met
June 19, 2017
As the ego unravels, it can lead us down a few paths that may keep us locked in suffering. In our seeking relief from pain, we may inadvertently try to kill off our human aspects while chasing the Divine.
One author calls it being a light chaser. We perceive it is our human limitations that are the problem. So we develop unconscious inner orders to shoot to kill when our depression, loss, anxiety, addiction, illness causes us pain. If only we could eradicate these conditions, we think, our lives would be so much better.
We become convinced if we could only be more independent, less needy everything would be more peaceful. So we begin to tear and attack various aspects of self leading to subtle or overt self-hatred. But hey, we read all the books and know how important self-love is. So we begin that journey which seems to evolve in stages.
At first, we are not even aware that self-hatred lurks in our hearts. Yet one day the awareness pops through and we begin the journey back to love. In the first stage self love feels like mission impossible. We must spend time grieving layer after layer of self-rejection. Then we begin to offer love to our own self but it may feel false and contrived. Yet we may get glimmers of self-appreciation while still fighting our own experience. Now comes a period of deeper self acceptance and budding self love. Yet every time our pattern of challenge arises, we revert to subtle and possibly subconscious self rejection. If only that condition, that illness, that loss would be different, then we could be happy. We love ourselves yet on a more indistinct level, we are really negotiating with the Mystery. Something along the lines of I promise to love myself if you promise to then make this challenge go away. At the core, we are still in self negation.
Many spiritual people are conditioned to see needs as a problem and are on the seek and destroy mission to eradicate all neediness or codependency. So the teaching of "A Course of Love" saying it is not our job to erase needs may come as a relief. The course says we do not eliminate needs, rather ultimately we see that all needs are met and thus drop into an abiding state of permanent trust. During the most radical periods of ego unraveling, we merely survive the onslaught of experience. Once we pop through to another phase, more muted awarenesses surface. We see how we are still trying to surgically remove painful, needy aspects of self. In this witnessing, a wave of incredible self compassion may be released. Ultimately we learn to bow to our own experience with kindness and concern. No longer willing to browbeat ourselves into spiritual submission, we celebrate our more primal, even feral sides that direct us to break free from rules and doctrine. Our body is the guide that lets us know through somatic awareness what works for us and what does not. We allow the whole messy paradox of being a Divine human, favoring neither side of this equation.
The "trick" is to give up the illusion of a separate self. If your child believes in the boogie man, do you spend your life trying to find and eliminate him or help the child by holding him and loving her until they realize, real eyes, the boogie man exist only in imagination. So we accept we have needs yet come to trust they will be met. "You believe, in other words, that your needs will be provided for, thus ceasing to be needs. Thus you will often say you trust when what you are doing is hoping for a specific outcome. Real trust is not a trust that waits and hopes but trust that acts from who you truly are" (pg. 257 "A Course of Love.").
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When we remember, when we know, who we are we go beyond the illusion of a separated self, beyond our fears of disaster and survival back home to our own true Self. We bring compassionate awareness to all our needs, all our fears, all our hopes knowing we are supported by the divine each step of the way. Once we climb on the train of self awareness, the end it certain. We must merely stay the course. We are not in control, nor can we plan our way to freedom. Paradoxically, we learn to trust and then follow the guidance that is sent to our bodies.
Our hearts are homing pigeons that have always known the way.
For information on private sessions or classes or to schedule a free 20-minute consultation, contact Savannah Hanson, M.A., MFT #40422 at (530) 575-5052 or savannah@RaisedinLove.com
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