I don't know if people were saying “Do you know what I mean?” much before Lee Michaels made the song by the same name so famous back in the '70s, but I'm sure noticing the outbreak of that query in verbal exchanges these days.

The song, “Do You Know What I Mean?,” talks about a guy who's trying to get over his girlfriend, who is now stepping out with his best friend, Bobby.

The wronged gentleman is trying to comprehend the situation, even as he asks for understanding, rather plaintively inquiring, “Do you know what I mean?” in an effort to establish a connection over a shared experience.

There's no doubt that “establishing connection” business is the intent of the phrase's usage today. It acts almost as an, “I'm OK, you're OK,” complete with head nodding; however, it got me to thinking about the whole “chicken or the egg” that is pop culture.

Do we start saying these things first, and then they weave themselves into our language lexicon, or might it be the other way around?

The expression, “Do you know what I mean?” is the equivalent of signal drop-out because it holds space, but no meaning. It's similar to, “So?” “Huh,” “How about that?” or any number of transitional phrases that are none too specific. The conversational gambit that is, “Do you know what I mean?” punctuates folks' discussions, seeming to be just a rhetorical question, though it can be packed with intent.

When “Do you know what I mean?” comes my way, I bob and weave like a seasoned verbiage fighter, trying to dodge the phrase's ability to put me on the spot.

The question makes me feel as though I need to bob my head up and down in understanding, complicit in knowing what “it” means. The truth is I often have no idea what I ever mean, let alone what the person who is asking me, “Do you know what I mean?” means.

I have a friend whose “Do you know what I mean?” is as much a part of her cute persona as her blonde hair and perky personality.

Fortunately, her “Do you know what I mean?” is purely rhetorical, lacking intent or need for confirmation, so she doesn't wait for me to nod acquiescence that I'm getting it. I appreciate that about her and so much more.

Along about a few months ago, I found myself getting on my own nerves, I was using, “Do you know what I mean?” so much.

Let's face it. When you're having a conversation with someone and you hear yourself say, up to and including, three times, “Do you know what I mean?” they don't, so it's time to hand off the conversational baton to someone else.

I noted in a few situations I was aggressively pursuing empathy and any time you attempt to marry aggressiveness with empathy you know you've tra-la-la-ed off the correct path that will ultimately lead to satisfying communication.

The most interesting bit of information I discovered when I looked up the lyrics for the song, “Do you know what I mean?” was that I've been massacring the words for years and if I would have been bravely belting this tune out in front of live audiences for a living, then that might be a problem.

As it is, it's one of the few times I've embarrassed myself and no one has noticed. “Do you know what I mean?”

Diane Dean-Epps is a comedienne and writer. Contact her at www.dianedeanepps.com.