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I lost a cat once. I was living up in Tahoe when it disappeared into thin air. I put up some posters in the neighborhood, right next to the ones warning us that there were coyotes roaming the “hood.”
I assumed the cat ran into the coyotes and that it ended badly. He should have stayed on the couch, rest his soul.
I bring this up wondering how anyone could possibly lose one buffalo, let alone two. As you may have read, a fellow in South County has been looking for his buffalo for more than a week now. Last weekend someone e-mailed a photo of the wayward mommy buffalo (I'm a city boy at heart), her calf (baby buffalo) and a donkey.
As you can imagine, the Alta Sierra couple were surprised to see two buffalo and a donkey in their backyard when they looked out the window. It's not like finding a deer in your hammock, or skunk in your dog house. That happens every day around here.
We tracked the buffalo owner down (it's apparently much easier to find the owner of a buffalo than the actual buffalo) who acknowledged that the mother and her calf had, indeed, escaped and were very upset by the death of the “bull,” or ... in my world ... the daddy buffalo. Dad apparently died following a bout with some parasites. I think I ran into the same parasites in Saipan. They almost ate me up, but my stomach is tougher than a buffalo's because I've eaten tacos since I was 3 or 4.
So mom and baby buffalo decided to crash through the fence and go find daddy. I would expect nothing less from my wife and kids if the parasites got me.The donkey, who was later captured, tagged along perhaps because he thinks he's also a buffalo, or just wanted a little adventure. I know a donkey who thinks he's a horse, so this comes as no surprise.
Back to the all-points-bulletin on the buffalo for a moment. I can understand how difficult it has been to find Osama Bin Laden. Those mountains are filled with caves and Osama has a lot of friends who are probably helping him hide. I can also see how it might be tough to find ... say ... Jimmy Hoffa's body ... or what's left of it.
The planet is filled with cement, for crying out loud.
Same goes for car keys. It took me a week to find my keys once. They fell out of my pocket in the closet and landed in one of my tennis shoes. I tore the house apart looking for those keys, accusing my family of trying to drive me crazy so they could put me in the nut house, so they could steal all my stuff.
But how in the hell can you not find a full-grown buffalo and her baby in Alta Sierra? We're not talking about a golf ball, folks. If you've ever seen Animal Planet you know what a buffalo looks like. They are huge, with lots of matted hair, horns, skinny legs and wet nose. The baby looks just like it, only smaller and less matted.
There aren't many good hiding places for two buffalo in Alta Sierra. It's not like they can blend in with the landscape, or fairway greens.
“Is that a buffalo, or a brown Prius?” you might ask.
“Can't be a buffalo,” comes the reply. “They only have buffalo in Wyoming and we are at least ... let's see ... one state away from Wyoming.”
They don't even have buffalo in Buffalo anymore. They traded them for Terrell Owens during the summer.
According to Wikipedia — which has everything you ever wanted to know about anything and some of it's even true — the two missing buffalo probably aren't buffalo, but bison. And not just any bison, but full-blooded American Bison, which is Greek for big, giant smelly creature with matted hair.
So the trouble may be we've been looking for buffalo when we should be on the lookout for bison.
“Why didn't you say you were looking for bison?”
In an effort to help you identify these missing animals should they ring your doorbell, here's what to look for:
n Buffalo and bison like to wallow, according to Wikipedia. That means they could be sitting right under our noses, resting in a hole covered with dirt and mud. Like a mole, only a lot bigger.
— The mommy probably weighs around 900 pounds, which is why you won't be able to simply put a leash on her and walk her home.
— They can run as fast as 35 mph, so if you find them don't make them angry. Anything that weighs 900 pounds, has horns and can run faster than O.J. Simpson in his prime will kill you and the car you rode up in. More people are killed by bison than bears in Yellowstone National Park and you don't want that on your headstone. “Here rests Jeff. Stomped to death by a buffalo or bison in Alta Sierra while jogging.”
— A good-sized bison has been known to jump fences. So you have a 900-pound animal that can hide in a mud hole, run faster than anyone I know and leap tall buildings. I'm starting to see why nobody has seen them lately. Even in Alta Sierra in broad daylight.
According to Wikipedia, a bison named Gracie escaped from a farm in Michigan and was shot to death by police earlier this year after it ran into someone's house and crushed their car.
Again ... if you see the mommy and baby buffalo/bison, don't be fooled by their seemingly-stupid looks and apparent easy-going nature. If they think you are a threat, or you try to send them home before they are good and ready to go home, they will chase you down and dance on your head and then they will level your house and squash your SUV before digging up your front yard for an afternoon of wallowing.
Jeff Ackerman is the editor/publisher of The Union. His column appears on Tuesdays. Contact him at 477-4299 or jackerman@theunion.com.
I assumed the cat ran into the coyotes and that it ended badly. He should have stayed on the couch, rest his soul.
I bring this up wondering how anyone could possibly lose one buffalo, let alone two. As you may have read, a fellow in South County has been looking for his buffalo for more than a week now. Last weekend someone e-mailed a photo of the wayward mommy buffalo (I'm a city boy at heart), her calf (baby buffalo) and a donkey.
As you can imagine, the Alta Sierra couple were surprised to see two buffalo and a donkey in their backyard when they looked out the window. It's not like finding a deer in your hammock, or skunk in your dog house. That happens every day around here.
We tracked the buffalo owner down (it's apparently much easier to find the owner of a buffalo than the actual buffalo) who acknowledged that the mother and her calf had, indeed, escaped and were very upset by the death of the “bull,” or ... in my world ... the daddy buffalo. Dad apparently died following a bout with some parasites. I think I ran into the same parasites in Saipan. They almost ate me up, but my stomach is tougher than a buffalo's because I've eaten tacos since I was 3 or 4.
So mom and baby buffalo decided to crash through the fence and go find daddy. I would expect nothing less from my wife and kids if the parasites got me.The donkey, who was later captured, tagged along perhaps because he thinks he's also a buffalo, or just wanted a little adventure. I know a donkey who thinks he's a horse, so this comes as no surprise.
Back to the all-points-bulletin on the buffalo for a moment. I can understand how difficult it has been to find Osama Bin Laden. Those mountains are filled with caves and Osama has a lot of friends who are probably helping him hide. I can also see how it might be tough to find ... say ... Jimmy Hoffa's body ... or what's left of it.
The planet is filled with cement, for crying out loud.
Same goes for car keys. It took me a week to find my keys once. They fell out of my pocket in the closet and landed in one of my tennis shoes. I tore the house apart looking for those keys, accusing my family of trying to drive me crazy so they could put me in the nut house, so they could steal all my stuff.
But how in the hell can you not find a full-grown buffalo and her baby in Alta Sierra? We're not talking about a golf ball, folks. If you've ever seen Animal Planet you know what a buffalo looks like. They are huge, with lots of matted hair, horns, skinny legs and wet nose. The baby looks just like it, only smaller and less matted.
There aren't many good hiding places for two buffalo in Alta Sierra. It's not like they can blend in with the landscape, or fairway greens.
“Is that a buffalo, or a brown Prius?” you might ask.
“Can't be a buffalo,” comes the reply. “They only have buffalo in Wyoming and we are at least ... let's see ... one state away from Wyoming.”
They don't even have buffalo in Buffalo anymore. They traded them for Terrell Owens during the summer.
According to Wikipedia — which has everything you ever wanted to know about anything and some of it's even true — the two missing buffalo probably aren't buffalo, but bison. And not just any bison, but full-blooded American Bison, which is Greek for big, giant smelly creature with matted hair.
So the trouble may be we've been looking for buffalo when we should be on the lookout for bison.
“Why didn't you say you were looking for bison?”
In an effort to help you identify these missing animals should they ring your doorbell, here's what to look for:
n Buffalo and bison like to wallow, according to Wikipedia. That means they could be sitting right under our noses, resting in a hole covered with dirt and mud. Like a mole, only a lot bigger.
— The mommy probably weighs around 900 pounds, which is why you won't be able to simply put a leash on her and walk her home.
— They can run as fast as 35 mph, so if you find them don't make them angry. Anything that weighs 900 pounds, has horns and can run faster than O.J. Simpson in his prime will kill you and the car you rode up in. More people are killed by bison than bears in Yellowstone National Park and you don't want that on your headstone. “Here rests Jeff. Stomped to death by a buffalo or bison in Alta Sierra while jogging.”
— A good-sized bison has been known to jump fences. So you have a 900-pound animal that can hide in a mud hole, run faster than anyone I know and leap tall buildings. I'm starting to see why nobody has seen them lately. Even in Alta Sierra in broad daylight.
According to Wikipedia, a bison named Gracie escaped from a farm in Michigan and was shot to death by police earlier this year after it ran into someone's house and crushed their car.
Again ... if you see the mommy and baby buffalo/bison, don't be fooled by their seemingly-stupid looks and apparent easy-going nature. If they think you are a threat, or you try to send them home before they are good and ready to go home, they will chase you down and dance on your head and then they will level your house and squash your SUV before digging up your front yard for an afternoon of wallowing.
Jeff Ackerman is the editor/publisher of The Union. His column appears on Tuesdays. Contact him at 477-4299 or jackerman@theunion.com.
