A visit to the daughter spa

It is probably a good idea not to look too much like yesterday.

If your get-up is from the 1940's, 50's or 60's, people might think your mind is old-fashioned too. And that's a liability when you are older. It can work against you both in the workplace and in life.

But brain fossilization just isn't true of most older people I know. In fact, because they read and actually watch hour-long news shows, older people may be more up-to-date on world happenings than many youngsters who have their faces stuck solely in FaceBook.

Anyhow, I think it's sensible to have your insides and outside match and when an opportunity came my way to get a little more with-it on my outside, I took advantage. This big opportunity for chic-ing up is known as visiting your daughter, though it can be done with anyone who knows you well enough to tell you that your pants are baggy in back and you need a new 'do".



Your own reality show

The trick to this kind of truth-telling is to have the hide of a rhino and a willingness to throw your old lipstick in the trash. A credit card helps too, as you will be told to buy liquids to get the yellow out of your hair, to acquire a handbag that doesn't have an 'I Like Ike' button on the bottom, to buy some lip gloss which makes your lips shiny - and you looking a bit like a street-walker. (The geezer goes a-tarting - this week's episode!)

So here's what I learned in my week at The Daughter Spa - things we were taught to do that are totally not on fashion's radar screen today.

á Suits are out. Bottoms and tops should not match, but they should go together. Going together is very liberally interpreted in today's world.

á Shoes and handbags should not match and we fossils need to stop saying purse and pocketbook and start saying bag. (Bags have gotten so huge with tons of metal hardware - they look like portable armored cars.)

á Fanny backs are for dorks. (I will remain a dork: They are useful and a way to carry more junk onto a plane. Also, we don't have to ask where our keys are. They are on our bellybutton.)

á Bright lipsticks, weird-colored eye shadows and eyeliners are out at The Daughter Spa, but colored hair is still in.

á When it comes to hair color, expensive streaking is still in and reduces root worry. (Gray is not yet the new blond, but I'm hoping.)

á White sneakers - our first choice footwear - is out. We can no longer be little old ladies in sneakers, but I intend to sneak my sneakers into my wardrobe plan which is so far: bottoms with elastic waists, tops that don't have to be ironed and that don't show marinara spots.

á Avoid bubble hair-do's, aka the silver helmet effect. Also, condition your hair. Dull hair is a sure sign that you are nearing your expiration date. Look for products that concentrate on making you shine again.

á As for guys, they should drop the buzz cut and the thin ties of the 50's, and preferably drop the ties altogether unless somebody died or got married. Unlike older women, older guys can still wear shorts and nobody cares about the knee replacement scars. They are marks of honor, like the dueling scars of yore.

á Anybody of any gender older than 12 is too old for a Speedo. Lands End has many bathing costumes for older people who left Bikiniville long ago.

á For women, waxing to de-hair various parts is in. So is making topiary out of a certain private spot. But I do not want an intimate relationship with hedge trimmers so I will live and die as nature made me - except for the lipgloss.



Words for the Wise

I usually hate beauty books: the advice is to buy mucho products and try to look young, young, young. Phooey, but I do say try to look your best and not like a relic in Madame Tussaud's museum. Though it has an annoying title - "How Not To Look Old" - Charla Krupp's book does have some tips that can be useful to the older woman who wants to look her best.

Yes, I know - being your best is more important, but if you still wear the suit with the matching pocketbook and baby doll heels, my daughter will be at your door. She'll put you in handcuffs and take you shopping.