Some of you do one thing that really warms a columnist's heart. You clip out these words, sending them to people you care about. Now that's just about the highest literary prize there is - ending up on a refrigerator door - and I want to thank you. Below, by way of thanks, is a column that you may want to pass on to your adult kids.



The truth from Grandma and Gramps

- If we geezers are not now vegetarians, it is unlikely we will give up our BLT's tomorrow, even if you think we should. (Incidentally, you are probably right about the virtues of the veggie/grain diet, but the habits of our stomachs seem to overcome the conclusions of our brains. Still, take heart from the fact we are eating fewer things with eyes and more things with leaves.)

- You should keep pestering us on one subject - becoming at least as computer literate as our grandchildren. So keep on your soapboxes. You are right on this one. Without some knowledge of computers, we are out of it, and will be getting more out of it as the years pass as everybody but us and the dog does email.

- You are in charge of your kids and greatly influence their relationship with us. Even if you don't think we are the perfect grandparents, put in a good word for us now and then. Maybe tell our grandchildren a family story that puts us in a good light, rather then tell them about the time Mom almost burned the house down or the time Dad told off Aunt Martina at Thanksgiving, saying there were two turkeys at the table and she was one.

- We may pooh-pooh Father's Day and Mother's Day as commercial, but we are secretly delighted when you remember us. A phone call is nice, a visit better and a visit with a meal not involving our cooking services best of all. And no, Dad doesn't need a new tie and you should not give in to his whining about being the only grandpa on the block without a flat screen TV.

- If you think one or both of us shouldn't be driving, state your case. We may not want to hear it, but we also don't want to injure anyone. And please help us find another transportation solution because we surely don't like to be grounded any more than you did. And if we at first don't want to hear you, remember this: As you wanted to get out of the house and on the road at 16, we geezers have the same instincts. The Route 66 Dream never dies. Old drivers never die - someone just takes away our car keys.

- We may offer you our family possessions while we are still living, just to lighten up on worldly stuff and to have the pleasure of seeing what we love at your house. If you can use these things, say yes. It will not jinx us or send us to a premature death, nor does it mean you're greedy.

- Alternatively, we may ask you which possessions of ours would mean something special to you after we graduate from the planet. Please speak up and tell us. Again, it's no jinx, but it will give us pleasure to know the silver teapot or the turkey platter will be going to a good home. So please tell us. (We may need reminding to write it down so that all you kids can know who gets what.)

- Don't get bent if we drop the habit of giving holiday presents and go instead to the retreat position of sending greeting cards. We love you, but we really don't know what you or your kids want anymore. Our incomes shrink in retirement and some of us are not often thanked for the presents we have sent. So don't get bent if we aren't Santa anymore. Been there, done that.

- Come visit. Some grandchildren have never seen the homes of their grandparents, never tasted grandma's meatloaf and never ridden on grandpa's tractor. If you want your children to be influenced by something other than the video game du jour, Grand Theft Auto IV, let them hang out a bit with us.

And we promise not to tell them all those embarrassing stories about you.

Mel Walsh is a gerontologist and certifiable geezer. Her book of advice for older women, Hot Granny, is available at The Book Seller in Grass Valley and online at Amazon and Barnes & Noble.