Conservatives are dim

Like all decent, white, heterosexual, God-fearing, patriotic, Christian conservatives, I am absolutely furious that those awful liberals are always insinuating that we conservatives are ignorant and uneducated. This is nonsense! I personally graduated from the eighth grade with ... I'm proud to report ... a solid C-plus average. Furthermore, I know several conservatives who actually made it all the way through high school, though I grant you that it took them an extra six to eight years to do so. In fact, I even know of one conservative who attended community college and may very well have graduated (with a much-coveted A.A. degree in manure spreading) had it not been for his unfortunate involvement in that cross-burning incident in the front yard of a negro student. Why, even as we speak, I'm told that many local conservatives are taking mail-order classes at the prestigious Webster Institute for White Christian Supremacy and Veg-O-Matic Repair, discreetly operating out of a mail drop in Penn Valley. And let's not forget that this is the party of such renowned intellectuals as Ronald Reagan, Dan Quayle and George "W" Bush, whose collective IQs must surely add up well into two figures!

Ross Woodbury

Grass Valley