News
The Union is one of the few newspapers that still prints items from its local law enforcement agencies' dispatch reports, and the daily police blotter is among the most popular articles in the paper.
While the blotter reports more serious crimes, such as burglaries and vandalisms, it also offers an unmatched peek into the human psyche. Some newspapers choose to rewrite the items, adding their own twist. The Union, however, finds the unadorned entries to be far funnier.
These were some of our favorite blotter entries from 2011. See part two in Tuesday's edition:
While the blotter reports more serious crimes, such as burglaries and vandalisms, it also offers an unmatched peek into the human psyche. Some newspapers choose to rewrite the items, adding their own twist. The Union, however, finds the unadorned entries to be far funnier.
These were some of our favorite blotter entries from 2011. See part two in Tuesday's edition:
Jan. 11 — At 8:48 a.m., a woman reported she had been walking on Dorsey Drive when a person stopped and offered her $20 because she looked like she could use it. She was offended.
April 27 — 9:57 p.m., a caller from the 11000 block of Bobolink Way reported a strange large triangular aircraft flying low and not making any noise, heading toward Sacramento.
May 3 — At 10:49 p.m., a woman from the 29000 block of Highway 49 reported she didn't have enough money. When asked what her emergency was, she said she was in North San Juan and that was enough. She then hung up.
May 19 — At 1:07 p.m., a man from the 100 block of King Court reported a woman had been drinking and assaulted him last week.
He called back at 2:31 p.m. to report a 15-year-old boy had threatened him over $36 he owed. He said the woman was smoking a joint, and his fingerprints were on the joint although he had not smoked it.
At 3:02 p.m., he called again to report the woman was smoking marijuana and thinks she is “Miss Macho” and can bench-press 240. He wanted the police to do a drive-by and to have a flashlight code so he could indicate whether or not she was violating probation.
He said he had taken a double dose of meds today because he was “keyed up.”
June 29 — At 12:44 p.m., a woman from the 16000 block of Countrywood Lane reported a dispute with a man, who spanked her on the rear end and watched her try to get her clothes on.
She said the man was dating her mother. The man and her mother had shared a 40-ounce Pabst before leaving the residence.
She did not need medical attention and did not want contact because she had to hitchhike to the jail. The CHP office was advised of a driver possibly under the influence.
July 11 — At 3:07 p.m., a caller from the 18000 block of Hilltop Road reported a cat stuck in a tree for at least 16 hours. The caller's dog had chased the cat up the tree.
The caller had thrown tennis balls at the cat to get it out of the tree. The caller was advised that throwing tennis balls at the cat would not motivate it to leave the tree.
The caller was advised to secure the dog and quit throwing tennis balls at the cat and it would more than likely exit the tree on its own.
July 12 — At 5:27 a.m., a man from the 13000 block of Highland Drive reported two people broke into his house, left baskets piled in the yard and are wrapped in blankets, lying in the driveway. It was found possibly to have been a dream.
Aug. 3 — At 11:24 p.m., a caller from St. Patrick's Church reported a man who was ringing the doorbell, knocking, and saying, “Father, this is one of your sons.” He could not be located.
Aug. 15 — At 5:01 p.m., a caller from Sutton Way reported a man in his underwear who appeared drunk and was yelling.
He was found to be wearing shorts. He was not yelling, he was singing a Seals and Crofts song.
ooo
April 27 — 9:57 p.m., a caller from the 11000 block of Bobolink Way reported a strange large triangular aircraft flying low and not making any noise, heading toward Sacramento.
May 3 — At 10:49 p.m., a woman from the 29000 block of Highway 49 reported she didn't have enough money. When asked what her emergency was, she said she was in North San Juan and that was enough. She then hung up.
May 19 — At 1:07 p.m., a man from the 100 block of King Court reported a woman had been drinking and assaulted him last week.
He called back at 2:31 p.m. to report a 15-year-old boy had threatened him over $36 he owed. He said the woman was smoking a joint, and his fingerprints were on the joint although he had not smoked it.
At 3:02 p.m., he called again to report the woman was smoking marijuana and thinks she is “Miss Macho” and can bench-press 240. He wanted the police to do a drive-by and to have a flashlight code so he could indicate whether or not she was violating probation.
He said he had taken a double dose of meds today because he was “keyed up.”
June 29 — At 12:44 p.m., a woman from the 16000 block of Countrywood Lane reported a dispute with a man, who spanked her on the rear end and watched her try to get her clothes on.
She said the man was dating her mother. The man and her mother had shared a 40-ounce Pabst before leaving the residence.
She did not need medical attention and did not want contact because she had to hitchhike to the jail. The CHP office was advised of a driver possibly under the influence.
July 11 — At 3:07 p.m., a caller from the 18000 block of Hilltop Road reported a cat stuck in a tree for at least 16 hours. The caller's dog had chased the cat up the tree.
The caller had thrown tennis balls at the cat to get it out of the tree. The caller was advised that throwing tennis balls at the cat would not motivate it to leave the tree.
The caller was advised to secure the dog and quit throwing tennis balls at the cat and it would more than likely exit the tree on its own.
July 12 — At 5:27 a.m., a man from the 13000 block of Highland Drive reported two people broke into his house, left baskets piled in the yard and are wrapped in blankets, lying in the driveway. It was found possibly to have been a dream.
Aug. 3 — At 11:24 p.m., a caller from St. Patrick's Church reported a man who was ringing the doorbell, knocking, and saying, “Father, this is one of your sons.” He could not be located.
Aug. 15 — At 5:01 p.m., a caller from Sutton Way reported a man in his underwear who appeared drunk and was yelling.
He was found to be wearing shorts. He was not yelling, he was singing a Seals and Crofts song.
ooo
